Finally Home
by SuperSteph
Summary: When Adam endures a career ending injury, who will be there for him? --SLASH-- complete
1. All You Had To Do Was Apologize

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the ducks ... though of course i wouldn't mind ... Caitlyn and Marla however, i do "own" and a quote that cuz they are friends of mine who wanted their name in the story .... I don't own the chapter titles either ... they are from "Never Again" by my man - JT (read: justin timberlake) and "If You Asked Me To" by Celine Dion. I highly recommend that you listen to these songs, either before, during or after reading the story (or .. all at once!)  
  
THE ONLY AUTHOR'S NOTE: please r&r .. it would mean a lot. i've written for ff.net but back when the nsync area existed ... i actually ended up losing all my stories .. so if anyone knows anyone with any stories by penname evilspaz12 or supersteph and you wanna send them my way, that'd be wonderful. anyways ... just read and enjoy!  
  
In the darkness, he twisted and turned, whimpering as he rolled over his wrist in his sleep.  
  
A pair of eyes looked up from the book they were attempting to read, at the bed where the noise came from. He sighed and stood up, padding softly over to the bed. He sat down gingerly on the edge, trying not to disturb his sleeping boyfriend.  
  
"Adam," he breathed. He felt horrible. He pushed him to make that play today, he felt responsible. Adam's wrist had been bothering him since that last game, when he got checked into the boards pretty hard, his wrist between him and the wall. At practice, Adam had been nursing it, but Charlie hadn't noticed like he normally would. Charlie was too involved with his grades at school, he was too involved with trying to figure out ways to not flunk out. Then, in today's game, Charlie noticed for the first time that Adam was being extra careful with his wrist. The team they'd been playing were rough. But Charlie saw the scouts in the crowd, and he knew they were there for Adam. He forgot about Adam's injury, and set up a perfect opportunity for Adam to show off his skills. Adam caught onto Charlie's thinking, and took his shot. However both boys seemed to have forgotten the brutality of the other team, and Adam's goal on them wasn't exactly a team pleaser. From the center line, Charlie watched as the opposing team's enforcers pounded Adam, and sent him flying. He saw the way Adam landed, in what seemed like slow motion, right wrist first, followed by not only his own body weight, but his hockey gear as well. Charlie will tell anyone, he swore he heard the crunch of Adam's bones.  
  
It was broken in three spots.  
  
Charlie set down on the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket up to Adam's chin. He slid his palm over Adam's forehead, pushing his hair out the way, and placed a sweet kiss on the newly exposed skin.  
  
Adam rolled over, leaving a spot for Charlie to climb in next to him. Charlie knew what Adam wanted and snuggled into small spot. He wasn't there three seconds when Adam cuddled up next to him. He carefully pulled his wrist from between them and rested it across Charlie's legs.  
  
"I'm sorry," Charlie whispered, running his fingers through Adam's hair, "I'm so incredibly sorry."  
  
Adam took a deep breath and let it out slow, "It wasn't your fault," he never opened his eyes.  
  
Charlie began to tear. That was his Adam, always the one to soothe and calm Charlie, no matter his own problems.  
  
"But your wrist," Charlie trailed off, "...Hockey."  
  
"Hockey isn't everything," he mumbled. He lied. But he was only trying to get Charlie to feel better. What happened was an accident, a simple hockey injury. Sure in the back of Adam's mind was the doctor telling him this very well may be the end of Adam's hockey career as he knows it, that if there is any interference with his recovery, his wrist will never be the same.   
  
But he didn't dare tell Charlie this.  
  
"You're lying," Charlie sniffled, "Hockey is everything to you. You could make it. You were going to make it. I very well may of screwed that up for you."  
  
"Charlie," Adam sat up, visibly perturbed. He just wanted to sleep today off. Tomorrow would be better.  
  
Charlie looked at his boyfriend through his tears.  
  
"Charlie," Adam repeated, "Listen, I would've scored eventually in that game, and I would've gotten knocked down eventually. Everyone got knocked over by them, they were angry because they were losing."  
  
"But I knew you were hurt, and I knew they would've hurt you if you scored and I made you score. I should've taken that shot. They would've gotten me instead!"  
  
"CHARLIE!" Adam reached up with his good hand, lightly and lovingly caressing his boyfriend's cheek, wiping away the tears.  
  
"It was an accident. A freak accident," Adam said slowly.  
  
Charlie looked down. He couldn't look him in the eye. He felt too responsible.  
  
"No Adam, it was my fault, why can't you see that?"  
  
"Listen ... I don't know how to make you see that it wasn't your fault. But I'm tired, and my wrist hurts. Just go to sleep and forget about it," Adam laid back down, his head in Charlie's lap.  
  
"I can't forget about it. I can't forget that I'm responsible for you losing your hockey career," Charlie tore himself from underneath Adam and stomped angrily over to his own bed.  
  
Adam opened his eyes and stared over the covers at his boyfriend. Charlie had his face buried in his pillow, and Adam could hear him trying not to sob.  
  
He stood up and slowly moved over to the other bed, and sat on the edge. He ran his good hand up and down Charlie's back, trying to soothe him. He leaned down kissed the back of his neck, "Shhh, it's going to be alright. Everything's going to be fine," he murmured in between kisses.  
  
Charlie rolled over, "Are you going to play hockey again?" he asked. He sounded like a frightened child. He was 17 years old, getting ready to graduate high school in 5 months.  
  
Adam looked into Charlie's eyes, his own frantically moving from side to side, trying to decide what he should say. He pretty much knew he wasn't going to play again. He knew his doctor was just trying to be nice. He knew that he would never make it to the NHL, "Yes." 


	2. Cause I Loved You More Than Life

Adam stretched in the morning sun, but was woken fully by the pain that abruptly entered his wrist.  
  
"Shit," he cursed, recoiling his arm fast. He cradled his wrist in his hand, unwrapping it slowly. His wrist was an ugly shade of purple, and bumpy in the wrong spots. He looked over at the other bed, where he'd left Charlie after he cried himself to sleep. Charlie was sound asleep.  
  
Adam grabbed the painkillers his trainer had given him the day before, and popped two easily. He was used to taking the medication. He stood up slowly, and rubbed his eyes.   
  
"Today's going to be a long day," he whispered to himself. He nodded and walked over to his dresser ready to get dressed.  
  
  
  
"CHARLIE!! CHARRRRR-LIE!" Goldberg and Russ pounded on the door.   
  
Charlie, startled, quickly opened his eyes and moved to roll over, only to fall off the bed.  
  
"WHAT?" he yelled angrily, as he scanned the bedroom quickly, looking for Adam whom he noticed was not on his bed.  
  
"We're locked out," Averman said plainly, "Let us in?"  
  
Charlie groaned and stood to unlock the door, "Guys ... what are you doing pounding on my door ... it's ..." Charlie looked around, "What time is it?"  
  
"1 pm."  
  
"What? Where's Adam?" Charlie turned around and scanned the room again.  
  
"Didn't he have that doctor's appointment?" Goldberg asked Averman.  
  
"Yea ... I think it was at 7 am. Something about getting it over and done with," Averman nodded.  
  
"Man, I saw that fall he took yesterday," Guy nodded, "That was pretty harsh."  
  
"Tell me about it," Russ commented, "But anyways, Charlie, we were going to go play some street, you in?"  
  
"Uhh," Charlie looked around and rubbed his forehead, "Sure ... just give me a few minutes."  
  
"Banks!! You up for some street hockey?" Goldberg yelled down the hall.  
  
Charlie rushed to get dressed. He wanted to see Adam looking remotely presentable.  
  
"Nah, I've got to hit the books, and besides, did we forget how I went down yesterday?" Adam's voice got closer and closer to the door, until he finally stood in the doorway, "Hey Charlie."  
  
Charlie's heart nearly stopped. He wanted to rush over to Adam, hug him, kiss him, sit him down, check out his wrist. He wanted to make sure everything was alright, but he couldn't. No one else knew about them. Adam and Charlie were a secret to everyone. Banks and Conway were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Just roommates.  
  
His knuckles began to turn white, as he forced his hands into fists, in an attempt to restrain himself. He prayed no one would notice.  
  
"Ohh, that's right Adam," Guy nodded, following him with his eyes as he stepped inside the room, "How's the wrist?"  
  
"Broken," Adam said like it was nothing. Inside, it wasn't just a broken wrist.  
  
Charlie looked at the rug. He felt like shit. Didn't he tell Adam he was sorry? Didn't Adam know how bad he felt? Why was he doing this to him?  
  
"Charlie, are you coming?" Russ asked, getting antsy of just standing around.  
  
"Uhh yea, meet me out there. I just remembered I was supposed to call my   
  
mom," Charlie looked up and caught Adam's eye.  
  
"Okay!" Russ smiled, "Let's go guys," and within second, Adam and Charlie were alone.  
  
Adam closed the door behind him.  
  
"Charlie," Adam said. He caught Charlie's face when he told the others it was broken, "How many times did I tell you - it's not your fault. It was an accident."  
  
Adam was dying inside though. He wanted so badly to throw his arms around his boyfriend and cry. He wanted to pour his heart out, wanted to release his fears. He knew his hockey career was on the line.  
  
But he stood strong for once. Charlie needed him.  
  
"Adam," Charlie stepped forward, and Adam met him halfway. Charlie wrapped his arms around Adam's waist, burying his head in his chest.  
  
"Shh," Adam stroked Charlie's thick brown hair, "I'm going to be fine."  
  
"Can you stop lying?" Charlie pulled away, letting his arms slide from around his waist to rest on his arms. He could feel the full arm cast on Adam, and looked up, fear etched across his face, "Adam?"  
  
"It's not just my wrist," Adam sighed, "I have a hairline fracture in my humerus." Thank god for the cast, or Charlie would've seen the stitches from where they cut Adam's wrist open. His wrist has metal plates on either side, screwed into place to keep the wrist on the right path for healing correctly. It was worse than he thought.   
  
Charlie felt it in the pit of his stomach that Adam wasn't telling him the truth, but he was too emotionally exhausted to press on.  
  
Adam walked over to his dresser and took his new prescription out of his pocket and placed it on top. He sighed. There were about three different medications already, all for pain. He slowly removed his jacket. His painkillers worked wonders, "Are you going to play hockey with the guys?" Adam asked, putting his jacket on the back of his chair.  
  
Charlie turned in his spot and watched Adam carefully, "Nah, I think I'll stay here," he let his eyes wander as Adam removed his long sleeve shirt with a tad bit of trouble. He watched as Adam's muscles rippled as he tossed his shirt into his hamper.  
  
"Relax," Adam could feel Charlie watching him, "The full cast is only for two weeks," Adam reassured.  
  
Charlie couldn't believe it. How was Adam not tearing up about this? There was only 6 weeks left of the season, 10 if you included playoffs. There was no way for Adam to be healed enough to play by then.  
  
Charlie silently moved to Adam's bed and sat down, watching the other boy pull on a tee shirt.  
  
"Really Charlie," Adam sat down next to him, "You don't need to hang out here for me. I'm probably gonna just sleep anyways," he placed his left hand on Charlie's back.  
  
"I want to stay," Charlie turned around slowly to meet Adam's eyes, "If you don't mind."  
  
"Of course I don't mind. I love you," Adam said. But he did mind. Don't get him wrong, he loved Charlie, and he loved spending time with him. If he didn't, there's no way they would've stayed together since the Goodwill Games. But Adam needed time to himself, he needed time to reflect on his injury, and his loss of hockey.  
  
What was he going to do without hockey? Who would Adam Banks be?  
  
  
  
Charlie tucked his head underneath Adam's chin, breathing relatively evenly. It was late in the night, and they both had school the next morning.  
  
But Adam couldn't fall asleep. He had too much running through his head. And Charlie refused to asleep until Adam did. However, Charlie was fighting to stay awake.  
  
He yawned, it closely resembling that of a cat's, long and stretched out, "Adam?" he asked when he finished.  
  
"Yea?" Adam's voice held no hint of fatigue. He was wide awake.  
  
"Last night, when I asked if you were going to play hockey again," he yawned, "And you said yes," he paused.  
  
Adam waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, he prodded him along.  
  
"Were you lying?" Charlie spoke.  
  
Adam stayed quiet. How was he supposed to answer that question? He looked down at Charlie, his eyes were closed and his face pale.  
  
"Yea Charlie. I was."  
  
"So does that mean no more hockey?"  
  
Adam gulped, "Yea." That sealed it. It was the first time he had admitted it out loud.  
  
A few minutes later, Adam felt something wet on his chest. He looked down and his heart broke in two as he watched Charlie cry though is closed eye lids. 


	3. Helpless Watched You Break This Heart Of...

The week had passed so slow for Adam. He spent his afternoons where he would normally be at practice, alone in his room feeling sorry for himself. Coach Wilson knew the extent of Banks' injury, and gave him the option to come to practice. He was no longer required to be there, seeing as he was off the team.  
  
"FUCK!" Charlie barged into the room, waking Adam, as he chucked his skates into a corner.  
  
"Jesus," Adam moaned, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"This is fucking horseshit," Charlie pushed his hockey bag onto his bed and began to violently rip things out, throwing them to the floor in a fit of anger.  
  
Adam rolled over to look at what was being abused by Charlie, as it landed between their two beds. The stuff looked awfully familiar, "What's this?"  
  
"It's yours Adam. Your fucking stuff. Wilson asked me, no wait," Charlie paused to mock his coach, "Told me to clear your locker." Charlie reached in for the final object, and pulled out Adam's jersey. It land on top of everything else, #99 up, BANKS across the top.  
  
"It killed me to do this Banks," Charlie said.   
  
Adam was startled - since when did he call him Banks?  
  
"It killed me because now it's real. You aren't coming back anymore. With your stuff there, we all felt like there was a hope for you to come back. But now that it's gone, I don't know," Charlie collapsed to the floor, an emotional mess, "Adam - what's happening?"  
  
Adam slid down off the bed and took Charlie into his arms. He was beginning to move around pretty deftly with that cast.  
  
Charlie's sobs wracked his body. He couldn't get it under control.  
  
"Shh," Adam repeatedly rubbed his hand across Charlie's forehead, pushing his hair out of the way.  
  
"It's gonna be alright," Adam left little kisses along Charlie's temple, "Charlie, ssshhh, I love you baby," he rubbed his back, "That's not gonna change."   
  
Since when was Adam the strong one?  
  
Charlie reached up and grabbed onto Adam, holding on for dear life, "I'm so sorry Adam," he managed to get out between sobs. But he wasn't sorry about Adam's wrist ... he had finally accepted that it was an accident.  
  
Adam began to tear himself, "Charlie - I forgive you. I'll always forgive you."  
  
Charlie pulled away and looked at his boyfriend through his tears, "Then, please, forgive me for this," Charlie leaned in and kissed him like he had so many times before. He kissed him hard yet softly, strong yet tenderly.   
  
Charlie pulled away abruptly, and before Adam could even blink, he was gone in a flash of dark hair. The door slammed and Adam jumped.  
  
Adam leaned back against his bed, and looked down at his wrist. His fucking wrist. It was what brought him and Charlie together, and if he was not mistaken, it just drove them apart.  
  
He whispered to no one in particular, "What the fuck?" 


	4. interlude

"Umm, hey Charlie," Guy rolled his eyes when he opened the door to find his friend sitting on Luis' bed.  
  
"Hey Guy," Charlie flashed his million dollar smile, and went back to his studying.  
  
"Can I ask you a question Charlie?" Guy pulled out his desk chair and sat down.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Why are you here? Why are you always here?"  
  
"I moved in because Luis moved out."  
  
"When did Luis move out?"  
  
"Two days ago."  
  
"When did you move it?"  
  
"Two days ago."  
  
"And no one told me?"  
  
"We figured you wouldn't mind."  
  
"Charlie, what if I hated you?"  
  
Charlie looked up from his work and pouted, "You hate me Guy?"  
  
"No ... but I might if I don't find out what's going on."  
  
Charlie closed his books and checked to make sure the door was locked.  
  
"Guy, you've got to promise that you won't say anything," Charlie's voice was somber suddenly. Guy was a bit nervous.  
  
"I want to know Charlie. The past week, I've watched Adam mope into English, with dark bags under his eyes. I don't think he's sleeping enough. I want to know what happened."  
  
Charlie sighed. He knew the time would come. He had been pretending to be happy for the past week, and he couldn't do it anymore. He needed a release.  
  
"We've been together for the last four years, I mean," Charlie quieted down, "I don't know what I mean."  
  
"Charlie," Guy moved to sit next to Charlie, "I know."  
  
Charlie's eyes went wide, "You know??"  
  
"I don't know know ... it's just that, I've had my suspicions. I've seen the way you two look at each other."  
  
"Anyone else?"  
  
"No, just me," Guy admitted, but he didn't say why. He didn't want to tell Charlie that really, it was him paying close attention to Adam. Guy had always wanted to become closer friends with Adam. It was just one of those, I don't know, things. He wanted to be friends with Adam, he wanted to be on his side. He admired him.  
  
"I don't know why I broke it off with him. We had such a good thing going. I loved being around him and near him, and just feeling his skin beneath my fingertips. He was so good to me, and I treated him like shit. I just ran out on him," Charlie was slowly break down, "I fucking left him when he needed me most. You know Guy? When he broke his wrist, it wasn't me comforting him, it was him comforting me. He was the one that held me at night while I cried. He was so strong through it all."  
  
Guy was nervous. He'd never seen Charlie so upset, so vulnerable. He didn't know how to act. With Connie it was easy, he'd pull her into his arms and comfort her till she calmed down. But Charlie was Charlie, just a teammate. He didn't want to hug Charlie.  
  
Guy settled for putting a hand on Charlie's shoulder, "It's okay."  
  
"No it isn't. I'm a fucking asshole. Part of the reason why I was so upset about his injury was because now the pressure's on me. Becuase if he's not on the ice, all the pressure to be the best and to win lands on me. And I don't think I can handle that. How fucking horrible is that? How could someone think that? I can't even look at him. I can't pick up my hockey stick without thinking about him. Hell, my stick has his fucking initials carved on it because he was the one that taught me to play how I do. Otherwise I'd still be Charlie "Spazway" Conway. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have to feel the pressure when he's not around. How does someone do that? How does someone just drop their best friend in the world like the way I did, let alone be angry at him for that? What kind of a person am I?"  
  
"It happens."  
  
"It shouldn't have happened. But I don't know. It started to feel wrong, being with him like that, and feeling the way I did. I just wanted to back off from being together, and I wanted us to just be friends. I fucking walked out on him. I can't walk back in. I miss him though, I just. I just wish we didn't have to share hockey. That either he had it, or I had it. Not us both."  
  
"Adam's a forgiving person, Char."  
  
"No. You don't know him like I do. He," Charlie hiccuped, "He's different with me than he is with others."  
  
"It won't hurt to try."  
  
"It will. You don't understand. When he came to the Ducks, the Hawks dropped him like flies. In the back of his mind, he told me this, he's waiting for us to do it to him. I told him none of us would ever do that. And who fucking does it to him? The one person he confided in! I did it to him! I'm a fucking monster, Guy! I can't live with him, I can't look at him, I can't be near him!" Charlie was loud and animated now, yelling through his tears, "I betrayed him Guy. And I can honestly say that if he was still able to play hockey, I'd quit because, I don't deserve to be around him. He's sweet, and gentle, kind. He's so kind, and I've taken him for granted."  
  
"It can't be too late."  
  
"But it is, it's been too late ever since I slammed that door."  
  
Guy didn't know how to react. He saw this as a chance to finally become friends with Adam and get to know him, but he was rooming with Adam's ex-whatever-Charlie-would-be-considered? 


	5. Used To Be That I Believed In Something

Another successful win clinched the Ducks' Number 1 position in their league. Adam watched Charlie make the last goal, securing their lead, and leaving them with a 6-2 win. Adam watched this all, from the shadows of the back of the arena. He told the others if he couldn't play hockey, he wanted nothing to do with it. That included not going to games. But Adam had snuck in the back where they couldn't see him, to watch the last few games.   
  
He waited in the shadows, in a corner by the locker room, watching his old teammates file out. He counted, paying attention to who was left to come out. When it slowed down, he counted only two left.  
  
"Guy, you coming out tonight?" Dwayne asked. From the sound of his voice, he sounded exceptionally close to door. Banks was right ... he could see Dwayne's shadow on the hallway floor.   
  
Adam didn't hear Guy's response, but he moved closer to the door, so that once Dwayne was gone, he could get in before Guy left himself.  
  
Dwayne trudged out of the locker room and for Banks' sake, did not look behind him as he walked in the opposite direction of which Banks stood in relation to the door.  
  
"You going to celebrate with them?" Adam asked.  
  
Guy almost dropped all his stuff when he heard the voice.  
  
"Adam!"  
  
"Hey," Adam smiled sheepishly.  
  
Guy looked around quickly for a bench, dropped his stuff and took a seat, "Yea man, what's up. But no, I'm not going out with them."  
  
Adam took a seat and folded his hands in his lap, "Why not?"  
  
"I don't know ..." Guy looked down, "I haven't gone out with them for a while. I just ... I'm not up to it. I think I'm growing out of the ducks."  
  
Adam nodded, he understood. He felt the same way. He only felt like he belonged when he was around Charlie, even then, he wasn't whole.  
  
"What's up with you though? I haven't seen you in like two months," Guy asked. He knew that wasn't true, but it felt like two months.  
  
Adam was about to correct him: Guy was in Adam's advanced English class, and they saw each other every day. But Adam knew what he meant. They hadn't talked other than a "hey" or "what's up" since Adam's injury.  
  
"Umm, I'm good. Nothing's new really, other than all my newly found free time," Adam smiled.  
  
Guy chuckled a bit too himself, "Were you at the game tonight?"  
  
"Yea, you guys played great," Adam nodded to himself.   
  
Silence came between the two boys.  
  
"Um, Guy, can I ask you a favor?" Adam figured it was now or never.  
  
"Sure, anything."  
  
"I uhh, I need help," Adam started, "I want to play hockey."  
  
"But Adam, I thought it was over for you. Your wrist," Guy trailed off.  
  
"I wanna play lefty. I can do it, I know I can. I just," Adam looked down at his brace, "I just need someone to push me. To encourage me."  
  
Guy was silent for a moment or two, and then looked up, "I'm not lefty. Maybe you should ask Char-" Guy cut himself off. He forgot. Charlie told him about him and Adam in confidence. Adam didn't know that Guy knew.  
  
A look of heartbreak washed over Adam's face, but was gone quick. He stayed silent.  
  
"Maybe you should ask Ryan, he's lefty."  
  
Adam looked down and began to stand, "Yea, Ryan," Adam look rejected.  
  
Guy felt like shit. Obviously, Adam came to Guy for Guy's help, not to be referred to someone else.  
  
"What are you doing now?" Guy asked quickly, before Adam could disappear.  
  
Adam turned around, hope written across his face, "Nothing."  
  
"Maybe we could get a head start. You got your skates?"  
  
"Not with me. I really shouldn't start now though. I mean, I've been skating for about a week now, I just, I have homework to do still."  
  
"Well, we have a 9 am practice tomorrow. You wanna meet here at noon? We could get started then."  
  
"Yea," Adam brightened, smiling, "That's perfect." 


	6. Used To Be That I Believed In Love

The next day, Saturday, Adam showed up at the rink, twelve pm sharp.   
  
"Adam!" Guy shouted from the other side of the rink, where he was mid lap, and he skated over.  
  
"I brought you some lunch," Adam said, holding up a brown bag.  
  
"Ooh, thanks, I was beginning to get hungry," Guy took the offering and walked off the ice.   
  
The two talked about their English papers for a little bit, before taking to the ice. Really, all Guy was there for was to keep Adam from giving up. At first they just practiced skating, while holding the stick correctly. By the end of the week, Adam was taking shots. But he made sure he practiced with Guy before he went to physical therapy. Even though his wrist was physically almost healed, the pain was still there. And though shooting lefty required the snap of his left wrist, his right wrist was still involved, and after about twenty minutes taking shots, he'd have to stop, only so he would still be able to do his exercises.  
  
Playoffs came and went, and Adam was at every game. The only one who knew he was there was Guy. He always made a point to make eye contact with Adam before each period of every game. It was their little secret.  
  
During the championship game, Adam thought for sure Charlie was watching him. He kept looking up where he was sitting, and Adam wondered if Guy spilt the beans. But he was just flipping out. Charlie's new girlfriend was sitting rows ahead of him, closer to the rink. At the end of the game, after the Ducks' won in a tough 1-0 win, Adam fought the urge to run onto the rink and congratulate Guy and his teammates. However, his decision not to was confirmed when he watched Charlie kiss some blonde bimbo.   
  
Adam couldn't watch that. He hadn't seen Charlie in weeks, but he knew that he went and got himself a girlfriend. He knew that Charlie was over Adam.   
  
Adam rushed out of the arena, with a lone pair of eyes watching him.  
  
  
  
It was the next day, at their practice, that Adam lost it. He skated onto the ice, early. Guy wasn't expected to be there for another ten minutes, but Adam tended to get there early. He missed just taking laps around the rink.   
  
"Hey Adam," Guy said his hello, as he skated up next to Adam.  
  
Adam was so deep in thought, he didn't even notice he was there until he spoke.  
  
"Ooh, Guy, what's up?" Adam slowed down.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Nice win last night."  
  
"Nice sneaking out of there so quick. You could've came down to congratulate. The others were a little annoyed that you didn't. They don't know that you had even come to the game, and they were upset. They wanted you there."  
  
"Oh," Adam looked down at his feet.  
  
"It's alright. They-" Guy rolled his eyes and shook his head. He didn't know what to say.  
  
Adam nodded, to show he understood.  
  
"I um, I uhh, I saw Charlie last night, kissing Marla. That's her name, Marla. She's in one of his classes, Italian or something. They've been together for a few weeks now."  
  
Adam was quiet.  
  
"I saw that you saw him too."  
  
"I don't know why I left. I wanted to come say hi to you, to all of you guys. You guys skated great last night, and you deserved it. But then I saw him, and I fell to pieces inside," Adam began to cry. It just then occurred to him that he never grieved over losing his first love. Even after what he saw last night, he just went back to the dorm, grabbed his roller blades, and skated around town, getting his mind off things.   
  
It wasn't long before Adam collapsed, crying openly.  
  
Guy dropped to pull Adam into a hug, holding him as he cried all over the ice and his hockey gear. But Guy didn't mind. Adam needed a friend, had needed one for some time now, and Guy was glad that Adam trusted him enough to open up like this. Besides, Guy liked the feeling of holding someone again. Him and Connie had been broken up for quite some time now.  
  
"Oh god, oh Guy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Adam rushed to apologize, but was cut off by the warm feeling of Guy's lips on his. 


	7. It's Been A Long Time, Since I Had That ...

The kiss was full of promise and hope. Adam leaned into it. It had been so long since he'd felt wanted.  
  
Guy pulled away first, but not before leaving a peck on Adam's lips, "Don't worry Adam, I don't mind."  
  
Adam brought his fingers to his lips, as if he was trying to preserve the warmth he hadn't felt in so long.  
  
"I'm here for you Adam," Guy went on, "I'll always be here for you. However you need me."  
  
Adam stared back with wide eyes, and slowly moved in for another kiss.  
  
  
  
The months passed by slowly, once hockey was over. Adam was still in physical therapy, though his recovery was almost 100%. Before he knew it, it was his last day.  
  
"Listen Adam, take it easy. Stay off that wrist. It's healed, but you can't play hockey with it. It's not smart," his physical therapist, Caitlyn, warned.  
  
"But it feels better than it did before I hurt it," Adam whined.  
  
"Adam Banks," she took a no-nonsense tone, "I don't want to see you back here again for that wrist, or I'll cut it off," she kidded playfully.  
  
"Caitlyn, please," Adam was taller, bigger, and most likely stronger than her, and her threats meant nothing to him.  
  
"I'm serious. That wrist is in no condition to be playing hockey, or baseball or football or any other sport that requires the use of your hands."  
  
"Soccer?"  
  
"Only if you don't play goalie," Caitlyn smiled, "Or fall. Falling on the wrist would not be good. Golf ... you can do golf."  
  
"Can I do anything with my hand?"  
  
"No," Caitlyn grinned, "You can't do anything."  
  
"Not even..." Adam raised an eyebrow.  
  
"ADAM!" she pushed him towards the door, "OUT! Don't even think of that either, too much strain. And don't forget to make an appointment for two weeks from now. Goodbye."  
  
Adam laughed as he made his way to the desk and made his appointment. He walked out of the building with a smile.  
  
The cool May air hit him first when he walked outside. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The fresh air felt good inside his lungs. When he opened his eyes, he looked to his left and grinned.  
  
"All done?" Guy looked up from his book.  
  
"Yep. I don't have to come back for two weeks. That's exciting," Adam sat down on the bench next to Guy, incredibly close to him, legs touching, "Good book?"  
  
"Ooh, wonderful. I hate this book," Guy chuckled and stuck it in his school bag that rested at his feet, "You ready to head back?"  
  
Adam had his head leaned back with his eyes closed. His mind was in the clouds.  
  
"What's wrong with staying here?" Adam said lazily.  
  
"Well, if you want," Guy said, shrugging. As long as he got to spend time with Adam, he was perfectly content anywhere.   
  
Adam reached over for Guy's hand, and Guy gladly gave it up.   
  
Guy, however, didn't understand where they stood. Ever since he started practicing with Adam, the two grew closer by the day. Adam trusted Guy completely, spilling some details of his relationship with Charlie, that even Charlie didn't reveal. Guy listened to everything Adam said, taking it all in, and in the back of his head, thinking of how he could be better than Charlie. But as far as Guy knew, he wasn't gay. He never thought of any other guy in that way before. He was attracted to girls. But Adam, he was a different story.  
  
Guy subconsciously rubbed at Adam's scars on his wrist with his thumb.  
  
Adam was mysterious. Prime example was this moment. Adam could sit for hours in silence, just thinking. Guy normally couldn't sit for as long as Adam, and would normally get up and leave Adam to his thoughts. But lately, Guy took to sitting with Adam, no matter how long, and just was with him. It was therapeutic. Like now.  
  
Adam breathed in deeply again, "Okay, I'm ready."  
  
Guy looked at him and smiled, resisting the urge to kiss him. 


	8. But If You Asked Me Too

Guy shivered in the night breeze. He didn't mind though, and he sighed, wrapping his arms tighter around Adam. He wanted badly to take off his long sleeved shirt, and feel Adam's skin against his, but he didn't want to freeze to death.  
  
Adam on the other hand, was sick, with a fever, and was burning up. He had both of his windows open, letting the unusually frigid early May night air in. Also, he was in nothing but his boxers, with no blankets. Guy tried to cover him up, he didn't want him to get pneumonia, but Adam kept shoving the blankets off. After the eighth time, Guy gave up.  
  
Guy ran his hand across Adam's forehead, pushing the sweat matted hair off the clammy skin.   
  
Guy didn't know what to do for Adam. He tried to get Adam to go to the doctor. Adam didn't want to go but tricked Guy into thinking he would, but ended up locking the poor boy out for three hours. Adam finally let him back in, but Guy had to promise to let Adam just sleep for the night, and Adam agreed to go to the school doctor in the morning if he wasn't feeling any better.  
  
"Guy, go to sleep," Adam mumbled.  
  
Guy smiled, Adam always seemed to know if he was still awake. In the back of his mind, he vaguely wondered if Adam was the same way with Charlie. He shook his head to get the thoughts of Charlie out. Adam hasn't talked about Charlie since that day he broke down on the ice. Guy didn't want to bring him up, but there was always a part of him that was constantly comparing.  
  
"Guy," Adam said again, his voice a bit sterner.  
  
"Adam, it's 3:30 in the morning, go back to sleep," Guy said soothingly, rubbing his hand up and down Adam's back. His whole body just radiated heat. He was warm to the touch.  
  
"But you're not sleeping."  
  
"I'm not the one who's sick, Adam, don't worry about me."  
  
Adam was quiet for a few minutes, before softly whispering, "What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Everything. School, college, what I'm going to do."  
  
"Have you decided where you are going yet?"  
  
"University of Minnesota is giving me that hockey scholarship," Guy trailed off. He hated talking about hockey in front of Adam. He felt guilty that he could still play, and Adam couldn't.   
  
He already felt bad for training with Adam, which in the long run, didn't help his wrist. Adam's doctors told him that, and one night, when they were up really late talking, and Adam was half asleep, he told Guy that.  
  
"Are you going to take them up on it?"  
  
"I don't know," Guy paused, "What about you? Where are you planning to go?"  
  
"There are some schools out east, liberal arts schools. I was thinking about going there."  
  
"Any ones in particular?"  
  
"Loyola College in Maryland, Johns Hopkins, NYU."  
  
"They don't have hockey teams," Guy noticed right away.  
  
"Yea."  
  
"Don't you have to decide in like two weeks?"  
  
"Yea. I'm leaning towards Loyola."  
  
"That's a good school Adam."  
  
"I visited it over spring break, it's nice."  
  
"Do you know what you want to do?"  
  
"I was actually thinking about business," Adam yawned, "But I have no ..." he trailed off.  
  
Guy smiled, he must of finally went back to sleep.  
  
So yea, Guy was going to University of Minnesota, to play hockey. But the more he thought about it, the more he didn't like the thought of Adam going to Baltimore. It was too far away, they wouldn't be able to see each other whenever they want.  
  
Wait a minute, see each other? What was Guy thinking? Him and Adam were certainly not a couple, why would they have to visit each other? But the more Guy thought about it, he wanted to see Adam. He wanted to be able to see him whenever he wanted, like now. And in the back of his mind, he loved Adam. He loved the little things about him, for instance, he loved the way Adam could sit for hours and say nothing, he loved the way Adam looked when he woke up in the morning. He loved the way Adam mumbled things in his sleep, he loved the way Adam loved to learn, and he loved Adam's passion for hockey. God, he loved Adam's passion for hockey. He admired him so much when he asked for help to learn lefty, for his determination to not give up on a dream. Yea, Adam had kind of given up on hockey for the time being, it was too stressful, and true, he hasn't been the same, but Guy wasn't sure - he thought he liked this change.  
  
Adam stirred, and lifted his head off Guy's chest, only to replace it. Guy's lips broke into a small smile.  
  
He never thought himself as being gay.  
  
He had a long relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Connie Moreau. He had always been attracted to her, as well as other girls. However, with Adam, it wasn't a physical attraction he felt. It was emotional and mental attraction. Did that make him gay?  
  
The next morning Adam's fever had broke. Guy had finally nodded off, but still managed to wake before Adam. He slipped out from underneath him, and covered him up with the covers, kissing him softly on the lips, and finally headed down to the cafeteria to find some soup.  
  
Guy slithered in the door, and closed it as softly as he could with his hands full.  
  
He looked at the bed and was surprised to see Adam's blue eyes staring back at him.  
  
"Oh, did I wake you?"  
  
"Nah, I was awake when you left."  
  
"In that case, I brought you some soup and crackers," Guy looked down at his offerings, smiling as he remembered that first time he and Adam practiced hockey, and Adam brought him lunch.  
  
"Ooh soup? Thank you," he grinned, pulling himself up to a sitting position.  
  
"Are you feeling better?"  
  
"Lots," Adam sipped carefully. It was hot.  
  
Guy sat down across from him, and watched Adam as he ate.  
  
"So, Baltimore?"  
  
Adam looked up, confused at first, but then he remembered their middle of the night conversation, "Right, Baltimore. Yea, that's pretty much where I'm headed in the fall."  
  
"You know," Guy looked down at Adam's sheets, and played with a loose string, "I got into Georgetown. It's only an hour or so from Loyola," Guy said softly.  
  
Adam looked up from his soup and watched Guy.  
  
Did Adam want Guy so close to him? He really didn't know. He didn't even know how he felt about Guy. However, Adam would love to be able to be near Guy, to be able to be with him whenever he wanted. He enjoyed the feeling of just being in Guy's arms.   
  
"What about hockey?" Adam asked.  
  
"I can deal without it. I was never as passionate about it as you," Guy shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't lying. Hockey wasn't his life, "I could play baseball, or lacrosse."  
  
"You got scholarship."  
  
"I got scholarship at Georgetown too," Guy was quiet. He stopped playing with the string, "But if you want me to go to Minnesota."  
  
"Guy, no, I didn't mean it like that. I would love for you to come to college with me, or near me, but at the same time you have a chance to play for an incredible team, and I know you want to. I don't want you to give that up for me," Adam had put his soup down and was now inches from Guy's face. Truth be told, he wanted Guy to room with him in college. He didn't know what he was going to do without him.  
  
Guy smiled up at Adam, thinking about what it would be like without him. And it occurred to him, Guy loved Adam. He didn't want to think about what it would be like without him. He'd never felt to drawn to one person before, and right now, Guy was in love with Adam, on all levels. Emotionally, mentally, and yes, even physically. Before he didn't feel it, but now, looking into Adam's eyes, he felt it.   
  
Guy pushed his face forward, crushed his lips against Adam's. 


	9. Common Sense Knows That You're Good Enou...

"Adam!" a familiar voice called out to him.  
  
Adam looked around, and wondered what it was coming from.   
  
"Adam, wait up!" it called again, coming up behind him.  
  
He turned and saw Charlie running up to him. Adam knit his brow in confusion. What did he want? The last time he saw Charlie was a time that Adam did not want to remember.  
  
***flashback***  
  
Charlie pulled away abruptly, and before Adam could even blink, he was gone in a flash of dark hair. The door slammed and Adam jumped.  
  
***endflashback***  
  
"Adam, can we talk?"  
  
"About what Charlie, how you left me when I needed you most?" Adam spat out, his voice venomous. He wanted nothing to do with Charlie. He was over him. Charlie was nothing but a memory at this point.   
  
"Adam," Charlie said, pulling him into an empty classroom.  
  
"What?" Adam demanded, "What do you want to do to me now?"  
  
"I want to apologize. I fucked up. We were friends for too long for me to leave you the way I did, for me to just drop you like that."  
  
"Friends? We were only friends? You can't even admit that I meant something more to you than just a friend?"  
  
"Fuck it Adam, I'm not gay. I have nothing against you being gay, but I'm not. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I was to make you happy. We were friends Adam, just fucking friends."  
  
"Damn straight fucking friends," Adam smirked, "And what do you mean, me being gay. You're just as gay."  
  
"I have a girlfriend."  
  
"My ass you have a girlfriend. You may have a girlfriend by name, and you may actually be attracted to her. But you were just as attracted to me. You loved me Charlie, as much as you don't want to hear it, you loved me, another guy. You can be bisexual or gay, but you cannot call yourself straight anymore. And I know she doesn't treat you half as good as I ever did, and I know that it's in the back of your head. I know Charlie, that deep down, you want me back. You want to be gay. So fuck you Charlie ... and I'm fucking glad that what had what we did, because I know that it eats you up inside. I know that when you're with her, it's in the back of your mind that you used to kiss me, your best friend. Your male best friend," Adam brought his voice to a harsh whisper, to keep himself from shouting.  
  
"Listen, I just came to apologize. I don't get why you're so angry."  
  
"Charlie, I wasted almost four years of my life on you. I wasted so much energy on you. We were happy, and we were together, and for you sit here and deny anything ever happened, is hardly what I would call apologizing. You wanted to break up with me, fine, whatever, it was done. No one comes back to apologize for breaking up with someone."  
  
"That's because we were never together, don't you get it?"  
  
"No Charlie, I don't. I thought sleeping in the same bed, kissing each other, showering together, I thought having sex meant that we were together, but what, we were really just friends? Jesus, is that how you treat all your friends? So does that mean Marla's just a friend?"  
  
Charlie couldn't believe what just came out of Adam's mouth. They had only slept together once.  
  
"Don't bring her into this," was all Charlie could manage to say.  
  
"I'll bring whoever I want into this. It's apparently not about the two of us, so it really doesn't matter who I do or do not bring up."  
  
"Well, what's with you? You were so quick to move on to Guy after us."  
  
"Oh, so now there was an 'us'? And no, I've never moved onto Guy. I asked him for help with hockey," Adam spit out.  
  
"Oh, like kissing him isn't moving onto him."  
  
"Well according to you ... if you kiss someone you're just friends."  
  
"Dammit Adam, stop fucking turning around every fucking thing I say!" Charlie yelled.  
  
Adam smirked. He never liked being smarter than everyone else, but in a situation like this, he was glad Charlie wasn't quick enough to follow.   
  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Charlie suddenly became self-conscious.  
  
"You make me sick Charlie. But you know what? I'm going to be able to live with what happened and what you've said," Adam looked him straight in the eye, a thing that used to make Charlie weak in the knees, "But you're not going to be able to live with yourself. And you know what? That's okay."   
  
Adam spun around quick and was out the door before Charlie knew what had happened. Charlie closed his eyes and took a breath. So that's what it felt like, to be just walked out on.  
  
He'd only gone in there to apologize to his best friend, whom he felt like shit without. It wasn't supposed to end like that.  
  
Then it hit him. Charlie remembered Adam when he first came to the Ducks. He was sad and felt rejected because his best friends dropped him so quick, only because he had to play for a different team. Charlie bet that Adam felt the same way, that Charlie dropped him only because he couldn't play anymore.  
  
Charlie's stomach gurgled, and he ran for the nearest bathroom. 


	10. I Just Might Change My Mind

Adam never did get a new roommate, and Guy kind of moved in on his own. While the extra bed never had sheets, Guy moved his books to Adam's room, always telling Charlie that they were studying. But Guy began to think that Charlie was catching on.  
  
The two desks were against opposite walls, so the two would not get distracted by looking up and seeing each other. It wasn't their planning, the school had them like that, and when Charlie and Adam moved in, they never bothered to change it. Why start now when finals were a week away?  
  
The room was silent, with only the occasional turn of a page for some noise. Both boys were studying for their upcoming finals. However, Guy's mind wasn't completely on his work.  
  
"Adam, can I ask you something?" he turned around in his chair only to look at Adam's back.  
  
"What's up?" Adam didn't look up at all. He was trying to work through some practice math problems.  
  
"What are we doing?"  
  
Adam was silent for a half a second, "Studying."  
  
"No Adam, I know right now we're studying," Guy got up from the desk and moved to sit on Adam's bed. He was now in Adam's peripheral vision.   
  
"I'm asking what we're doing, me and you doing, together," Guy could not stop thinking about this for the past two weeks. School was over in a week, graduation was around the corner.   
  
That caught Adam's attention, and he rotated slowly in his seat. He eyed Guy carefully.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Ever since championships, us, being together almost every day and night," Guy stammered. He was frustrated. He wanted to know if he was just wasting his time, or if this was going anywhere. He was leaving for the summer in a month, and he wanted to know if there was going to be someone to come home to. He wanted to know if he made the right decision.  
  
Adam effortlessly ended up next to him, and reached for both his hands.  
  
He moved in slowly, letting their lips crash in a sweet symphony. He slipped his tongue not once, but twice, tracing Guy's lips. Guy parted them to allow Adam's tongue access. It felt so good, so right.  
  
"Adam," he breathed, when their mouths parted for a moment.  
  
"Shh," Adam responded and kissed him deeper.  
  
Guy gave in, but quickly retracted, "No Adam, I want to know, I deserve to know."  
  
"Truth?"  
  
"Honest truth."  
  
"I love you Guy. I love everything about you. I loved you since that day when I broke down over Charlie and you were right there for me," Adam began to tear, "I don't know how I would have survived that break up if it weren't for you. And I'm so glad it was you Guy. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there beside me," Adam paused, " But as of what we're doing? I don't know. I love being with you, but I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship."  
  
"And what we've been doing isn't a relationship?" Guy asked quietly.  
  
"I haven't been putting all of me into this. I want to, but there's a part of me that just won't."  
  
Guy kept quiet. He knew that Adam would continue his thinking out loud.  
  
"I mean, it feels like a part of me died when Charlie left. He meant so much to me during a crucial part of growing up. He was there for me when the Hawks dropped me like flies. But when he left me like that, I felt exactly the same way I did years ago. He took a part of me, that same part the Hawks took, that he'd worked to rebuild in me. Trust of others. When he left," Adam was laying down now, and Guy pulled his feet into his lap, and traced circles on his ankles, but still listening attentively, "When he left, I felt so alone. But then there was you. There was always you. I'd seen the way you'd follow me, especially in class. Not watch me in a stalking kind of way, just watch me because you cared. And that's why I went to you after my injury. I felt something between us. It's coming back to me Guy, because of you. But right now, it's not here. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for, maybe, I don't know. Maybe I need time away from you. Maybe I need time to think about what happened."  
  
Guy looked up when he stopped speaking, "I'm going away for three months. I'll be back in the fall," he whispered, not knowing if it would make a difference.  
  
Adam sat up and scooted down towards Guy, enveloping him with his arms, "I know, and I'm going to miss you like crazy. But I think this is what we need," he pulled back, leaving little kisses on Guy's neck and check, the last one on his nose.  
  
"I need to know though, if I have someone worth coming back for. I mean, it's not like I'm not going to come back, because I will, I have school, I'm saying that, I want to know if you'll still be here, waiting for me."  
  
Adam's vision was blurred, and he fought to see through the tears, "I don't know Guy, I don't know. I can't make any promises. But we'll always be friends, I can promise that."  
  
Guy hugged him hard, and managed an "I love you," through his clenched teeth.  
  
Adam pulled away first, "Come on, we've got finals to study for."  
  
Graduation came and went, and before they knew it, they were saying goodbye.  
  
"Three months, that's a long time," Adam noted, as the two strolled in the night.  
  
"I've got a lot of family, and they all want a piece of Guy Germaine, what can I say?"  
  
"You can say no, because I'm the only one that gets a piece of you," Adam laughed, slipping his hand into Guy's. It was dark out, no one would notice.  
  
"It's gonna be weird without you," Adam admitted, "Do you have to go?"  
  
"Ad-," Guy smiled, "I do. I want to stay, hell, my parents even said I don't have to go, but we need time apart. You need time to yourself. Just promise me you won't spend the summer sitting in your room."  
  
  
  
He rubbed thumb along Adam's wrist, tracing the scar. It was something he always did. And he remembered Adam telling him once that he liked it. By now, it was a subconscious action.  
  
"Done," Adam grinned.  
  
They walked for a little while longer in the dark, and came upon the pond the boys, excluding Adam, played on back when they were district 5. But it was summer now, hardly iced over.  
  
Adam let go of Guy's hand, and nearly ran to the middle of the bridge. He leaned over the bridge's railings, looking over the creek that led to the pond.  
  
Guy came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Adam's waist in the crisp night air, pressing his body to Adam's. He left random little kisses along Adam's neck.   
  
Guy didn't want to leave Adam behind - he wanted to take Adam with him. He loved Adam.  
  
"I gotta go back Adam. My mom doesn't want me out too late because we're leaving early in the morning," Guy pulled away just enough so Adam could spin around in his arms.  
  
"Don't," Adam whispered. He felt himself on the brink of loneliness. He dropped his forehead to rest on Guy's chin.  
  
Guy puckered his lips to leave a tender kiss on the skin.  
  
"I'm still going to love you when I get back Adam, you're stuck with me," Guy smiled into Adam's forehead.  
  
Adam let the tears flow freely. Why was he so upset? He was the one that wanted the time apart. Besides, Guy would be back, they'd see each other again. Oh yea, not until Christmas. Guy was going to University of Minnesota, and by the time he returned, Adam would be in Baltimore. They'd be worlds away, or so it would seem.  
  
"I can't say can't goodbye to you yet Guy, it's not time."  
  
"You'll see me at Christmas. Who knows, maybe we'll get a chance to visit in the fall," Guy sounded so detached about it, but Adam, too lost in his own emotions, wasn't hearing that in his voice.  
  
"I wanna be able to see you every day Guy, I want to be able to hold you when I want to, to kiss you when I want to. I want to be able to crawl into your bed when I can't sleep at night. I need you. I know I said before that I didn't think there was an us, that I needed time to find myself. I found me, I found what I was looking for, you can't leave."  
  
Guy was heartbroken. He got what he wanted, Adam's love in return.  
  
Guy couldn't take it to be genuine though. When he and Adam talked weeks ago, Adam was sincere. He meant what he said, Guy could read it in his eyes.   
  
Now, all he saw was empty promises. He didn't doubt Adam's love for himself, but he knew that Adam had come down with a little cold, and wasn't sleeping right for the past days, and when it's noted as not sleeping right, it's not sleeping at all. Guy knew better, and he would go through with going to Canada. He could only hope to hear those words when he saw Adam in the fall.  
  
Guy pulled away and looked at Adam, "Look at me," he asked, pushing Adam's chin up with his thumb, "Everything's going to work out in the end. I have faith in us. It's just going to be a hard summer. I'll call every day, and write every other. I'm not going to forget about you."  
  
Adam nodded, never breaking his eye contact with Guy.  
  
"I love you Adam, sometimes I'm afraid of the way that I love you, because it's so powerful to me. Just," Guy paused, "Give it time."  
  
Adam nodded again, his bottom lip trembling.  
  
"No crying," Guy said playfully, kissing Adam's closed eyelids, and then moving in for the real kiss.  
  
"I love you," Adam murmured into the kiss.  
  
Guy pulled away, and squeezed Adam's hand, "You wanna walk me back, or are you gonna stay here under the stars."  
  
"The stars are looking pretty good right now," Adam looked up.   
  
Guy nodded, he wasn't offended the Adam didn't want to walk him home. He wouldn't have even asked except it was the polite thing to do. He knew that the answer would be for Adam to watch the skies. It was a past time of his, sit, watch, think. It was one of those times that Guy would just scoot up next to him and be with him.  
  
"Be careful, watch that wrist, okay?" Guy smiled, "Don't break too many hearts while I'm gone. Let them down easy," he let his hands slip from Adam's as he walked backwards slowly.  
  
"Heh, I'll try," Adam chuckled through his crying.   
  
Guy turned and started to walk away. The further he got the faster he walked, he wanted to get away quick. He didn't trust himself to not turn around and crash his body into Adam's, and take him right there.  
  
Adam watched Guy walk away until he faded into the darkness. He frowned for a moment, before turning his attention back to the sky. 


	11. And Let You In My Life Forever

Adam checked his hair, not once, but twice in the mirror, before grabbing his hat and heading out into the hallway, where his suite mates awaited him.  
  
"You primped your hair so you could put a hat on, seriously," Nick laughed jokingly.  
  
Adam blushed.  
  
"You ready for some dinner?" Dave asked, as he dug around his pocket to find his key to lock the door.  
  
"Totally, I'm starving," Adam smiled, shoving his own hands into his pockets, for a lack of a better place to put them.   
  
"Hey where's James?" Dave asked, noticing there was only three of them.  
  
"He went off with some girls from upstairs," Adam shrugged, "I don't know."  
  
"Whatever," Nick rolled his eyes, and he opened the door to the stairwell. They may have lived on the 7th floor, but there was no way they were going to take the elevator down when they could just as easily take the stairs down. Going up, however, may be a different story.  
  
The boys chatted harmlessly, talking about their high schools from back home, and what they did. Nick seemed to be the one who would most readily adapt to life at Loyola. It was discussed that Adam was not a party-er by any means, and would spend most of his time studying. Dave agreed to that by saying he too would rather stay home then go get drunk, but he probably wouldn't spend all his time studying. More like playing video games or watching movies. Nick, on the other hand, one could see he liked the ladies, a lot. He said hi to almost every girl that passed. But overall Nick was a good guy, Adam could see they would get along, pending Adam telling the others his secret.  
  
It wasn't a secret per say, it was just something he wasn't willing to share right away. He wanted to test the waters first, get to know their mentality.  
  
But he wasn't sure. He told the Ducks a year ago, only because he was sick of them trying to fix him up with girls. They accepted him, but they never found out about him and Charlie, nor did they find out about Guy. To them, Adam was just Banks, a homosexual with no life. And Adam liked it that way.  
  
The place for dinner was extraordinarily busy. It was supposed to be out on the Quad, but the threat of rain pushed it indoors, and everyone ended up on the 4 floors of the student center. Adam and his roommates were happy with floor two.  
  
He stood in line, waiting patiently for his turn at the hamburgers. He was definitely a fan of hamburgers. He loved red meat. He grabbed some salad to go along with his hamburger, as well as some fruit. He was the first to finish collecting his food and drink, and sat at the table first.  
  
"Mind if I take a seat?" a vaguely familiar voice asked.  
  
Adam looked up, but not at the speaker, and saw there were plenty of seats at the table.  
  
"Go for it," Adam said, turning back to his food. He sipped his water.  
  
The guest took the seat right next to Adam, and even managed to scoot a bit closer to him.  
  
Jesus, Adam could be damn right oblivious when he wanted to.  
  
"Adam," the guest whispered.  
  
"How do you kn-" Adam looked up right into the eyes of his best friend Guy, "Holy shit, Guy," he whispered.  
  
"Hey," he said, like it was nothing.  
  
Just then, Dave and Nick sat down.  
  
"Hey, I'm Dave," he introduced himself, "This is Nick. We're suite mates of Adam's."  
  
"I'm Guy," he flashed a grin, and reached over the table for a handshake.  
  
Adam could not stop staring. Guy, who always had a fair complexion, had come back slightly tan, or, with color at least. He had gotten a hair cut, then again, it'd been three months. He looked a bit more leaner than before, and Adam vaguely wondered if being held by him would feel different.  
  
"Wait, Guy," Adam cut his own thoughts short, "I thought you were going to University of Minnesota?"  
  
"You two know each other?" Nick asked.  
  
"Yea, we went to high school together," Guy nodded.  
  
"Only I didn't know you were coming here," Adam took a bite out of his hamburger, in sudden anger. Why was he mad? Guy was here, in front of him, in the flesh, and he was angry? That just didn't seem right.  
  
The rest of the dinner, the boys chatted nicely. Well, Dave, Nick, and Guy chatted nicely, and Justin too, Guy's roommate, once he joined the mix. Adam was moody however, and only made small little quips when he felt the need.  
  
When dinner ended, Guy and Adam quickly exchanged where each other were living and phone extensions, and made plans to meet later that night.  
  
"Adam, where are you going?" Dave looked up from the TV as Adam passed through the small common room towards the door.  
  
"Remember my friend from dinner, the one I went to high school with?"  
  
Dave nodded, going back to the baseball game. It was an Oriole/Yankee game.  
  
"Yo, Jeter up yet?" Nick yelled from the room where he was changing into his pajamas.  
  
"Not yet. Some other guy is up," Dave yelled back.  
  
Adam smiled, "Well, we're gonna go meet up. I'll be back later," he nodded, and opened the door and slipped out. He looked at his watch. It was 10:15, they were going to meet at 10:30. He was excited. He had butterflies in his stomach.  
  
He couldn't remember the last time he felt this giddy. It was only Guy.   
  
He had a long time to think about where he stood with Guy over the summer. And when it came down to it, Adam was infatuated with Guy. He had every right to be, after what they shared. He was hurt when he begged Guy to stay and Guy left anyway, but he understood where Guy was coming from. Guy wanted to make sure it was worth it. Guy had a lot weighing on this. If being with Adam meant he was gay or bisexual or whatever, Guy was for it. But he didn't have the desire to be with other guys, just Adam. But he was willing to take whatever repercussions would come from being with Adam. Adam knew all this, Guy told him. And Adam had all summer to mull this over in his mind. He had come to decision as well.  
  
Adam loved Guy. Yea, he knew he said it before, that he told Guy before. But he meant it now. He wanted to spend forever with Guy. It took him only a week to realize that Guy was the one for him. He felt it. He felt whole, more so then he did with Charlie.   
  
When he saw Guy at dinner, he wanted to jump into his lap and shower him with kisses. But that had to wait - they needed to talk first.  
  
Adam sat down on the bench by Beatty Hall. That was their meeting place. He was a few minutes early, but he didn't mind. It gave him time to enjoy the night in Maryland. It was warmer now then it had been all summer in Minnesota.  
  
"Still a stargazer?" Guy asked from beside him.  
  
Adam didn't notice that he had even sat down.  
  
"Some things don't change."  
  
"It hasn't been that long."  
  
"Still, some things don't change," Adam looked over at him, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight, "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I wanted to surprise you," Guy looked down at his hands, them folded neatly in his lap.  
  
"You sure did surprise me."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be sorry," Adam said softly, "It was the best surprise I'd ever gotten. Here I was thinking I wasn't going to see you till Christmas break, Thanksgiving if I'm lucky, and you pop up next to me at dinner? I could of cried."  
  
"Adam," he awed.  
  
"I love you Guy. I want you to know that you're not wasting your time. I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready for us."  
  
Guy turned to Adam, his eyes teary, "You mean that?"  
  
"If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it."  
  
Guy swung his leg over and straddled the bench, pulling Adam in between his legs.  
  
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear those words from you," Guy spoke softly, kissing Adam's temple.  
  
"I need you Guy. The only thing that got me through this summer, and that was going to get me through this semester, was knowing at the end of it all, I'd get to see you. I love you," Adam was crying.   
  
"I'm here now. Everything's going to be perfect," Guy tried to soothe him, smoothing out his hair, "We're together now and that's all that matters." 


	12. Can't Go Back To Being On My Own

The Fitness and Aquatic Center was amazing. In two weeks, Guy knew every inch of it. Guy took the first staircase up and headed over to the track. The track was on the second floor, with the center of it open to the first. Underneath it were a few basketball courts, and roller hockey rink. He stepped over to the railing of the track and looked down. He was right over the hockey rink.  
  
And his eyes landed on the person whom he'd been looking for.  
  
He had gone over to Adam's earlier, checking to see if he was around, to see if he wanted to work on some homework. Adam could always explain it better than the teachers.   
  
However, Nick let him know that Adam had left for the FAC, as that was the nickname for the center.  
  
  
  
Guy followed him with his eyes as he did laps around the rink. He was acutely aware of the brace on his right wrist, and the hockey stick in his left. He never noticed when he was working with him, but it looked weird. Adam Banks was just not a lefty.  
  
He watched, with the precision of a cat watching his prey. He could even see the winces of pain when Adam would take a shot, or just try to handle the puck. He could hold the stick fine, but when it came down to using it, he couldn't do it.  
  
Guy sucked in his air quick, as he watched the next scene unfold. Adam put the stick in his right wrist, and pushed the puck around. It was amazing, Adam was playing as if his injury never happened. But only, if you were watching the stick and puck.  
  
He wasn't watching that. He was watching the tears of pain fall down as Adam's face crumbled in anguish.  
  
Adam wiped at his face with a sweaty sleeve, and Guy wondered how long had Adam been here. From the drenched shirt, it could've been hours.  
  
Adam gave up, throwing his stick across the rink and skating furiously to the side. He let himself stop by the presence of the wall, and then kicked it in frustration.  
  
Guy didn't know what to do.  
  
If Adam had wanted him to know about this, he would have told him. But he obviously wanted it kept quiet.  
  
He tossed around the idea of casually bumping into him, but then when he realized he barely looked like he'd been working out; hell, he was in khaki pants and a sweater, he knew it wouldn't fly.  
  
Instead, he just opted for keeping an eye on him, making sure he got back to the dorms safely.  
  
  
  
"Oh, hey Adam," Dave looked up from his schoolwork at the kitchen table, when he heard the door open, "Guy stopped by earlier. Did he find you?"  
  
"No, he didn't. Did he say what he wanted?" Adam dropped his stuff on one of the couches, and walked to the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water, downing it quickly.  
  
"Something about studying, Nick told him you were at the FAC."  
  
Adam crushed the now empty bottle. And if it had been Guy watching, he would've noticed it was with his left hand. Adam's right hand stayed curled to his body.  
  
"Well, I'll see him in the morning. I'm going to bed, goodnight Dave," Adam said, fatigue evident in his voice. He tossed the crushed plastic into the recycle bin.  
  
"'Night Adam."  
  
Adam smiled faintly. He was acutely aware that the last time anyone had called him Banks was weeks ago, when he last spoke to Dwayne. He liked being called Adam, however, he missed his old teammates.  
  
Adam had just settled down in his bed, the pain beginning to subside after he took some medication, when someone knocked on his door.  
  
He mumbled a "come in," and he heard the clicking of the opening door.  
  
"You awake?" Guy whispered.  
  
"When did you get here?"  
  
"Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to Dave."  
  
"Oh," Adam rolled over, leaving space for Guy to sit.  
  
He complied, and ran a soft hand down Adam's bare arm.  
  
"Guy? Can I tell you something?" Adam's face was laying on it's side, and his cheek was crushed up into his mouth.  
  
"You can tell me anything baby," Guy whispered, blinking his eyes tiredly.  
  
"I don't want to play hockey anymore."  
  
"But you already don't."  
  
"Just ..." Adam said, his voice strong, "I don't want to play it, or watch it, or feel it."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
Adam was silent.  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Can't what baby?" Guy continued his soothing motions up and down Adam's arm.  
  
"I can't play it or feel it. I only feel pain. I hate it. Ihateitihateitihateit," he mumbled, obviously half-asleep.  
  
Guy stopped, and leaned down to kiss Adam's bare skin, "It's alright to feel that way."  
  
Adam's lips trembled in the dark, and Guy put a lone finger up to bring them to rest. He pulled Guy down to him, "Just, stay with me tonight."  
  
Adam had seen Guy up on the track, watching him. He didn't know how long he'd been there, but he knew he saw it when he kicked the wall. And he knew Guy followed him home. But it was alright. It was less explaining he'd have to do, because Guy already knew.  
  
And as Guy wrapped his arms around Adam, he thought back to when he first saw Guy, at dinner that night. And yea, Adam smiled to himself, it did feel different. 


	13. Can't Help Feeling Darling Since I Found...

The following three weeks were amazing. Guy and Adam had a class together, and used that class as an excuse to hang out. They actually did study, but it would always end up in the two making out, but only if they were in one of each other's rooms.  
  
And then, while Adam was sitting at dinner with his roommates, he was told the most amazing piece of news ever.  
  
"Hey guys," James came in. They rarely saw James, only when he needed clean clothes did he come into the suite. Adam liked it though, he liked having his room to himself, he could spend more time with Guy.  
  
Adam and Dave looked up from their sandwiches, and Nick leaned back in his chair.  
  
"As you know ... it's move week, and yea, I've decided I'm moving out. It's nothing personal, it's just that I feel bad not being here, and when I do come in, it's late at night. I'm only moving upstairs, so it's not a big move. I'm not gonna need any help, I just wanted to let you know."  
  
"Is anyone planning to move in here?" Dave asked.  
  
"No."  
  
Adam nodded, "When are you moving?"  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
Adam made a mental note to ask the guys what they thought about Guy moving in before the end of the night.  
  
"You sure you're not gonna need any help?" Nick asked.  
  
"Nah, I'm gonna take some stuff over tonight. And besides, most of my stuff is up there anyways. The guy I'm moving in with hasn't had a roommate all semester. So I'm good," James nodded and left the kitchen and ran into his and Adam's room.  
  
"Hey Adam, now you're really gonna have the room to yourself," Nick noted.  
  
"Yea," Adam set his sandwich done. He suddenly didn't have much of an appetite.  
  
"What's wrong?" Dave asked, noticing Adam's quietness. Adam was normally a quiet person, but Dave could sense something was wrong.  
  
"I have to tell you guys something," Adam said, after a minute or two of being quiet.  
  
Nick put down the paper he was reading. He sensed the importance of this announcement.  
  
Just then, in perfect time, James popped his head into the kitchen, "So I'll be back in the morning to pack and shit, I'll see you guys then," he said, slinging a bag over his shoulder, and picking up another. With that, he was out the door.  
  
Adam waited a minute, knowing these walls were paper thin.  
  
He took a deep breath and looked at his roommates. Even with Nick being a ladies man, he still spent a generous amount of time with Dave and Adam, and Adam knew Nick would be alright, heck Nick even admitted to swinging both ways. Dave was a completely open minded soul, just like the Ducks.  
  
"I don't know what to tell you first," he mumbled to what he thought was just himself, except Nick heard. Man that kid had good hearing.  
  
"What, that you're gay or that you and Guy are an item and you want him to move in?" Nick responded.  
  
Well, that did it. The cat was out of the bag.  
  
"Guy's a cool guy, I wouldn't mind him living here," Dave added.  
  
"You mean, you don't care? Wait, you knew?"  
  
"Banks, let's be serious for a moment. You light up when you talk about Guy, or when Guy's at the door. It's kind of obvious. Nah, it'd be cool with me. I like Guy too. Hell, I'll help move him across campus," Nick grinned.  
  
"Guys, did I ever tell you that I love you? Not like I love Guy, but like I love you as human beings?" Adam said, a grin threatening to split his face in two.  
  
"Well, no, but thanks for the compliment. Are you gonna ask Guy tonight?"  
  
"Hell yea. Besides, I don't think him and Justin get along that well anyways."  
  
"That's an understatement," Dave said.  
  
Guy was known for hating his roommate with a passion. He always called him an ignorant bastard.  
  
"Give him a call," Nick said.  
  
"Nah, he should be here any minute anyways. We were going to study tonight, but I guess not," Adam smiled, bouncing out of his chair. He suddenly started to straighten up, as if Guy has never been there before.  
  
Nick shook his head, and picked up his paper again, and Dave went back to his meal.  
  
Adam stepped into the little dining room, confusion and concern on his face, "You guys really don't mind?"  
  
"No Adam. If you don't ask the kid to live here, I will," Nick didn't even look up from what he was reading.  
  
When the knocking on the door came, both Nick and Dave got up from the table to moved to hang out in their room, whispering a "we'll leave you two alone" as they passed.  
  
Adam blushed as he answered the door.  
  
"Hey," he said calmly, letting Guy in.  
  
Guy slipped through the door and it's frame, and took note of nobody being around. When he heard the door click shut, he dove for Adam's mouth.  
  
"God I missed you," he garbled into Adam's mouth.  
  
Adam pulled away, smiling, "It's only been what, 7 hours."  
  
"That's too long," Guy said, moving in again.  
  
But Adam was quick, "Well then, guess what. James is moving out, for good," Adam said.  
  
Guy looked at him.  
  
"I want you to move in. And Dave and Nick both said if I didn't ask, they'd ask you too."  
  
"Adam," Guy said softly, "I'd love to," and he pulled Adam into a hug.  
  
Adam and Guy saved their public displays of affection for the privacy of their bedroom, which I guess, wouldn't make them too public. Because of this, they ended up spending a lot of time in their room. However, when they were in the common room, they were just like the other guys. They didn't make a point to sit next to each other, or cater to each other. They were just friends. Their relationship was definitely behind closed doors, no matter how accepting Dave and Nick were.   
  
Guy playfully shoved Adam against the bedroom door, effectively closing it as well. He sucked hungrily at Adam's neck, earning a moan from deep inside the blonde's throat.  
  
"Guy."  
  
Guy took this as a cue to go faster, and harder, and his hands roamed furiously underneath Adam's shirt. However, he wasn't exploring the skin, he knew this quite well.  
  
Guy lifted the shirt over Adam's head, disconnecting only to let the shirt pass, and in that brief second, Adam whined at the loss. Adam's fingers nimbly undid Guy's jeans and his hands pushed them to the floor.  
  
Guy stepped out of the jeans as they made their way to the bed, kissing furiously, never breaking contact. But before they laid down, Guy effortlessly pushed down Adam's boxers.  
  
Guy laid Adam down on his back tenderly, almost as if he didn't want to hurt him. Adam instinctively put his arms out to brace him, but winced as the weight landed on his right wrist.  
  
"Oh shit, baby, I'm sorry," Guy lifted him up to relieve the pressure.  
  
"It's fine, really."  
  
Adam's wrist had been acting up all summer, as well as the weeks he'd been at college. He kept up with hockey, though he knew his efforts would be fruitless, and even harmful in the long run. But he couldn't get hockey out of his system. The longest he'd ever gone without picking up a stick was since the time at the FAC, and that was over a week ago. But it was still hurting from then.  
  
But Adam wouldn't think about that now. This wasn't the time nor place to deal with his wrist. He wanted to forget about it, it'd be better in the morning.  
  
Adam scooted back onto the bed, pulling Guy with him. Guy straddled his boyfriend, and looked down, lust and love swirling in his eyes.   
  
They both looked at each other, fully aware of each other's naked bodies.   
  
"If you don't," Guy started.  
  
Adam just looked up at him and nodded, "I'm ready," his voice was barely audible.  
  
Guy bent down and left kisses all over Adam's hard abs, and swirled his tongue around each nipple swiftly.  
  
"I love you baby."  
  
"I love you too baby."  
  
Dave waited until the commercial break to open the door, "Can I help you?" he asked, not recognizing the person who'd been knocking.  
  
"Does Adam Banks live here?" it had been so long since he said that name. He only thought of Adam as "him". He couldn't get his words out of his head.   
  
***flashback***  
  
"She doesn't treat you half as good as I did."   
  
"I know that when your with her, it's in the back of your mind that you used to kiss me, your best friend. Your male best friend."   
  
***endflashback***  
  
It killed him. He ended up breaking it off with Marla, he couldn't look at her without thinking of him.   
  
"Yea, he does actually," Dave said.  
  
Charlie barged past towards the bedroom doors. He peeked into the open door, and saw no inhabitants. Another door was the bathroom. He focused his attention on the closed door, and placed his hand on the handle. He couldn't hear what was going on, due to the loudness of the baseball game the boys were watching on the television.  
  
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you!" Nick warned quickly, but it was too late. Charlie had turned the handle and opened the door. The light from the common room spilled into the dark bedroom, right onto Guy's bare back.  
  
Adam picked his head up and Guy turned his around to look at their intruder.  
  
Charlie's lip trembled, "What?" he whispered, the hurt clearly evident.  
  
Guy looked down at Adam, as Adam watched Charlie step into the bedroom and close the door behind him. Guy pulled out and reached for a blanket to cover them up, as Adam reached for the bedside light.  
  
"Why are you here?" Adam asked, clearly not pleased.  
  
"I, I," Charlie stuttered, "I don't remember."  
  
"You need to go. We're through. We've been over for months now."  
  
"I need my best friend back," Charlie started to cry. Usually, Adam would have been halfway to wrapping his arms around Charlie; Adam was good at that.  
  
But Adam didn't move from his spot. Underneath the covers, Adam had reached for Guy's hand, squeezing it tight.  
  
"You need to find a new one. I don't want to be friends with you," Adam said softly. He didn't have it in him to be mean right now. Not after what he and Guy just experienced, and not with Guy pressed up against him, warmth on warmth.  
  
Charlie just stared as Guy pressed a long kiss on Adam's bare shoulder. He envied Guy - no - he hated Guy. He wanted to rip him to shreds. If it weren't for him, Adam may have come back to him.  
  
"I mean it Charlie."  
  
Charlie nodded and reached behind him for the doorknob, turning it slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry Adam," he said before he slipped out.   
  
Adam closed his eyes. He knew that apology covered a lot. Not only just for walking in on an intimate moment, but for hurting Adam more than he ever meant to.  
  
"We don't-"  
  
Adam silenced Guy with a quick kiss, "No, it's not fair. I'm not gonna let him ruin what we have."   
  
True, Adam may not be up for sex anymore, but Guy needed a release, and Adam knew what to do. Adam slipped underneath the covers, and moments later, Guy's head was thrown back in pure pleasure.  
  
Charlie walked through the common room, his head bent in embarrassment. He mumbled a "thank you" to the boys on the couch, and let himself out. God, did he feel like an asshole. He closed the door to the suite, but turned to look at Adam's name on the door. He didn't care who saw him. He came all the way from freaking Minnesota, only to get hurt. If he wanted to cry, he damn well was going to.  
  
Adam smiled. He loved it how he could feel Guy's heart beat in the exact rhythm as his own. It made him feel so close, so connected to Guy.   
  
"Adam, baby," Guy mumbled, after lifting his head and slitting his eyes, to find Adam's bright, and open, blue eyes staring back at him, "Go to sleep."  
  
"Okay," Adam whispered, patting down Guy's hair, "Okay."   
  
He pressed a chaste kiss against Guy's forehead, and nestled himself down into his bed. And he slept, peacefully, his smile never leaving his face. He finally found his home.  
  
*********************************" I'm finally home "**********************************  
  
Final author's note: Gotta love Celine Dion ... There's more .. a whole new story .. it's pretty much written .. look for it soon!!! 


End file.
